I know how it’s like to go to a retreat, become rejuvenated, then return back home and you feel so good that only lasts for a week or two, and then after a few days, you begin to go back into the person you used to be, slowly changing back into the same ol’ person.
Then if it were to happen, you start doing worldly things, which then consume your once sought out innocent and strong mentality into now a weak willed person just wanting to do what the world is about, because you let the world influence your thinking to think that this is the cool thing to do and out of entertainment.
And then somewhere down the road, you walk away from Christ, and hang out with your secular buddies, and do more secular activities. Drinking, partying like it’s an everyday social thing, as if those are the only likable things to do. Then later down the journey, you end up doing it EVERY SINGLE DAY. And the only thing you look forward to after work is coming to the bar and living it up just to release stress. But in the long run that only makes you depressed, miserable, and you lose sight of things that once made you joyous and pure inside. You start to judge things, because you’re actually bitter inside. The things you once believed such as true love don’t exist to you anymore, and you start to believe that you need things like money or security in order for a woman to stay with you. You start to get very judgmental, bitter, negative with your life.
And then you lash out and attack or make insults at your friends for no reason.
(because you are actually bitter with the way your life is going. so lifeless. so you have hatred for others maybe to fill the gap of insecurity for yourself, but actually that’s a sign of disrespect for yourself. Because to really respect others, is to respect yourself that you wont create negative actions for others. But you lose sight what it means to respect others)
And then you come into this little dark hole inside your life. And you view the entire world as now a mechanical byproduct as if there is no meaning to life but just waking up day by day to go to work on a 9-5schedule and shoot the ship.
And if you do happen to do this all the time, every single day of your life. Maybe somewhere many many months later, you become very depressed and think about suicidal thoughts. You think about all various plans of how to kill yourself, you want to do it, because you really see no point in life anymore, and maybe that if people do not really enjoy your company, it just may be better to take your life so that you don’t annoy the others.
I went down this road at least TWICE in my life.
The first time was back in 2005, the 2nd time was recent. I know exactly what it feels like.
That’s when I realized, you know I am sick and tired of letting this happen, this is my fault where my life is going.
So I wanted to change that.
That’s when I realized I shouldn’t need a retreat to get rejuvenated, I should just 100% pursue God fully. So I prayed every day, just to find the answer. Because I got very tired of just approaching God with a COMPROMISE.
That’s when it hit me.
Why on earth do we need to make a compromise with God?
Why do we tell ourselves that, “oh hey I will promise to read the bible, after I finish my homework” or “yea I will go ahead and go to bible study once a week, soon as I finish watching tv”
God has provided everything for you. He’s done more than enough for you. That’s when I realized man, I really need to stop thinking with a “compromise” attitude, and just seek out the Lord with a STATE OF URGENCY, as if my own life depended upon it, as if tomorrow would be my last day on earth, as if I am dying from cancer and must seek out Him.
And all these people say, its hard. But its all just excuses, because it was just how I became successful in bboying. How I actually won battles. Because I trained for hours upon hours every day in the dance studio, practicing, being sore, gaining injuries, stretching, eating right, hitting the gym, training my muscles, stretching in preparation for battle. I put my mind to it, and in the end I was able to succeed and achieve my goal.
That same kind of approach should be manifested into seeking out God as if it was your number one passion.
So when a day passes, as soon as you wake up, you must commence a prayer, and worship. Listen to a message, go read the bible, study the bible, and seek Him. Then write to yourself of how great you think God is.
This is what I try to do every day. And if I am not doing this, then I am either thinking of Him mindfully, or trying to practice the character of Jesus Christ into my life to become a better brother of Christ for all my other brothers and sisters.