The hidden loopholes of the reformed presbyterian church.
Now before I address this, some of you guys may get offended, as I have been carefully trying to find the right words to convey my delivery into as appropriate and professional as the message I am trying to relay across.
I have been pretty skeptical and somewhat hesitant to actually speak what’s been on my mind for quite a while, but it has been stirring a fire inside my heart every day, that I cant seem to be quiet about it any longer, so I feel I need to speak about it asap.
- Now being fairly new to the reformed presbyterian church, as I have been coming for the past 7 and half months now. I’ve been trying to connect with people at this church, trying to get to know people here and there, but it has been rather difficult, mostly I think it’s because I am the new guy. But I had to really think about it long and hard, is it really because I am labeled as the new guy that I should be getting a hard time to get acquainted socially with people?
Now I know I came back and learned something from the reformed presbyterian church retreat, and one of the main topics discussed during the retreat amongst us is the fact of unification. The part that we need to stop passing judgment against each other and really need to show love for one another because we don’t fully love Jesus Christ, as we are all selfish. To feel a sense of belonging. There are a bunch of clicks here and there like its highschool all over again.
But by addressing this, it may not happen instantly, people will not apply this directly immediately into the approach, so I completely understand and I have patience for them.
But by stating it, its really not that simple to just all of a sudden try to change. Yes judging others is one of the key reasons that we cannot come together in unity as well as showing love for one another.
Therefore here are some of the hidden loopholes I have been carefully observing amongst this church.
I have noticed there is a immediate attention to genders being segregated.
Men on one side, Women on the other side.
The probable intent I can only assume is that women are trying to carry out a better character for themselves in future marriage? I am all for this, but I really think that the approach is all wrong and its being approached too much in a black and white perspective. If this was the intent, then there should be gender segregated small groups such as: Women small groups, Men small groups. But it shouldn’t consume or overpopulate the entire course of the ministry.
Because it is not really helping the church grow. Now it was said that back in the retreat, that we wanted to grow together, create unity, and help build the church up. There is no interaction.
But the only way to resolve this issue, is that we need to stop the segregation.
Now by being the new guy, I was trying to connect with people here. Trying to get to know people here and there, but as I now figured out why its difficult is because people at this church pass judgement. This is why trying to connect with people is harder than it seems to be because they put a guard up.
Now I was trying to connect with my brothers in Christ as well as the sisters of this church. But there goes a state of mentality in this area, almost a very worldly point of view. I have even been rebuked by two members of the church in the words of this:
“A guy will never be friends with a girl unless his intent is to be in a relationship with her”
When I heard this, I was completely surprised by this mechanical notion, because if people at the church believe in this business approach, then that really just contradicts our faith as to what it means to be a brother or sister in Christ.
(and what I mean by business approach, refer to this: https://aramkim7.wordpress.com/2013/03/07/my-communication-ethic/)
Because if you really think about it, the terminology to brother or sister of Christ, is for example, the word “sister” would not exist if there is no other counterpart to the other, therefore both brother and sister co-exist.
And without being a brother to our sisters in Christ, as well as the same for the sisters in Christ to be sisters to the brothers. The segregation concept really doesn’t justify the brother and sisters of Christ concept as well, and therefore there will be no unification, thus community will not grow, because there is no family within the church, and church will not build and move on for the future generations to come.
When I say things that are in business approach. The definition is: mechanical objectives are solely on the intent for self-benefit.
We also need to stop this segregation, because it creates sexual tension. And it can backfire. And its really unhealthy for the community as well as for others who would like to begin in future relationships with one another.
- This whole relationship thing at the Baptist level or what I believed in, is that if you are interested in this special someone, it is highly recommended that you don’t rush into it as this method will spoil the journey. That instead you start off slow and get to know each other as strictly only by being the brother and sister of Christ. Then later down the road, become even stronger best friends, and then maybe after a good 1-2yrs. That is when you feel that it is time to start dating. And then marriage happens.
- However in a Presbyterian approach, its really quite different, it almost feels secular in a mechanical robot way as if people pertain to the schedule of time only rather than trying to maintain the health for the relationship.
It’s like individuals find someone quickly, and jump into a relationship as fast as possible. Or people get hooked up with others as if time is ticking.
It’s very strange. As if it was in the business approach.
Probably this is just a denomination difference.
Because Ive been a Baptist all my life, and now coming into a Presbyterian, as I have noticed this church is just really weird through my eyes.
For example, the Methodist difference is that the approach is more about the code of ethics and principals. Whereas, being a Baptist, it is geared to be more family oriented atmosphere, which is why I think it’s rather easy to connect with people at my old church. Now what I have noticed at a Presbyterian, its really rigid. Very stiff, and its due to people trying to analyze each other through the means of passing judgement.
Now I really think that this segregation needs to stop, because it’s only doing one negative thing for the church. Passing judgement. Now I am not saying that being judgemental is bad. It’s actually not bad at all, to clarify more in depth, you need to be judgmental to make the best decisions when apprehended in situations. What makes it wrong is that when you take the “black & white” perspective and include it into the judgmental analysis area. Because if we as people look at everything in a Black&White point of view, then we cannot open our eyes to the hidden gray areas, we cannot be open-minded, we will become prideful and arrogant individuals who are not submissive to humility, patience, and maturity.
and then we wont be able to learn anything from each other.
2 things that need to come together, is that we need to love each other and we need to stop passing judgement. Segregation only creates animosity as I have addressed before, it fuels us to become judgemental in a black&white context. And as we approach things in that sense, simultaneously we become arrogant with self pride that consumes our mentality.
So how do we become better lovers in Christ for our brothers and sisters? of course to fully love Christ without self intent. But really it’s to love others without trying to gain anything in return. Like honestly ask yourself, do you show love only on means to be loved back or at least a feel a sense of appreciation? The answer is To simply give love in the most purest, genuine, sincere form possible.
and to do that we need to stop thinking so selfishly and approach selflessly.
- This is one of the reasons why I personally feel that this church is weird. Now being the new guy you may think that I am the weird one, which is rather quite funny now that I think about it. Actually to be quite honest with you, I do think I am a weird guy too. Hahah, but I understand where everyone is coming from, because this church as I have noticed is a family-integrated community. It was all built up by families, who have children, and their children have children, and those children make up what is now considered the E.M. And through this genealogy, as not to be 100% generalizing, but it may make sense as to why this church is a tight family knit community, because most of the members comprised at this church all think alike or similar to each other, having the same mentality or point of view/approach to the world. And perhaps it may be a genetics thing because I think like my dad and mom.
or maybe that’s why I feel that I am the most different one out of this church as if I feel like an outcast somewhat, because I have a Baptist background.
and since everyone knows each other here, they don’t know me so they think I am the weird one and approach cautiously towards me because im the different one, not a clone.
- Business mentality.
Perhaps this is the reason why people think with a business approach, I think its because people lose themselves to their surroundings of this environment. For example, in northern Virginia. You cant really go up to a random stranger and spark up a conversation, because the other thinks that you want something, when its only just to make small talk. Why?
Lets look at the math here.
DC is all about politics, government, capital. The things that fuel the dc area is money and business. Nova being close to DC, is business oriented environment too. And nova is a place to settle down and have a family, thus being a family knitted environment. As nova is a business environment, then the people try to approach things strictly business. As if courtship, relationships, friendships, have gone robotic that’s strictly based on absolute logics and strategy of self intent. It is so weird.
- Now this is one of the reasons whats making me want to leave the church because people view things so black and white, too ridiculous that I thought this view only exists in fairy tales or cartoons. But I thought long and hard about it, I think what Satan is trying to do is try to get me to only pay attention to the faults, which is why I am choosing to look past the exterior and try to figure out what needs to be seen. I really do not want to quit and leave this church and go find a new a church, As I am not the same albert before, Ive grown up man, and I really just want to stay here and help build this church up as much as I can.
- Another thing I don’t like is acknowledgement or maybe embracing acceptance?
Before I came here, as I have noticed. I already knew some people here, not going to drop any names out of respect for others, but like I said, I knew them already, we were already cool with each other before, but they only acknowledged my existence only after I started to attend the church on a consistent basis. Maybe proving to them that because I have attended the entire session or keep coming out that now it is appropriate to accept me with open arms??????
Really? Again, that is also very contradicting.
And maybe its perhaps due to popular belief of passing judgment on others.
And I cant blame them, because we live in Satan’s world. Who rules this world? It’s satan himself. Which is why most of the perspectives are twisted, such as examples.
- When a friend talks to the friend’s wife.
As harmless as it sounds, people judge and jump to conclusions that this is not okay to do. Yea but that is again another extreme observance. It is not adultery. It is just simply trying to make small talk to connect with each other as simple contribution to the family of Christ.
- People get it all confused with what you need in marriage.
Money was never the ingredient, sure it may be helpful to sustaining financial stability. But money doesn’t make a woman stay with you. It’s the ability that keeps her. The passion inside of a man to motivate himself to fully pursue what he wants his idea to become a reality, that is the “ability”, and the woman will stay with you because you have this inside. I know couples who were dirt poor, they didn’t have an ounce of dimes, but they got married because now it made sense that they believed in their abilities.
We need to stop looking at each other from the worldly exterior of titles or materialistic value, or objects, or appearances, and look at each other through the windows of our soul, to see that we are children of God.
For example, Person A, I do not know him that well, but I see him inside, I see who he really is, he is just like me. He basically is me and I am him. We are the same, although we come from different backgrounds growing up and have some differences in our personas, but we are all here today at this prayer meeting because of one thing alone, we are all believers and followers in Christ. And we are all struggling with something. To my right, I see these are my little sisters in Christ, I feel that it is our duty to go and look out for them, and treat them as if they were actually my real blood related sisters, as I really have one sister back at home that I think fondly of because she is my blood and I look out for her. This is the reason why it is so hard to connect with people, because people are brainwashed by the world to pass judgement in exterior value rather than seeing who we really are in the inside.
For example, isn’t it strange, that people look at me on the outside, and they see albert the bboy, or albert the weirdo, or albert the quiet guy. But when I look myself in the mirror, I just see Albert.
Why is it that there always needs to be a title in order to make description?
This also goes against what I talked about earlier faith vs experience. But I can talk about this another time as it is a little off topic.