Sigh. Sometimes I wished I lived in a Christian Home.
Why is that I am the only member of the family who’s crazy about God?
My atheist uncle is such a down bringer. “In my opinion you’re just wasting your time.”
My agnostic dad….to tell you the truth…man, so it’s like this check this.
The only reason why I decided to come back to God is the thought of healing: spiritual and physical healing. I wanted to find that joy and change my heart into a loving prince, at the same time heal my physical disease with this over-bearing skin disease I have been battling for 7yrs. So I stayed faithful and tried consecration since Nov 2012.
Its now March 30 2013, and let me tell you, HEALING has come! The disease I have is like 90% healed, no more rashes, no more itchiness, and spiritual healing came, restored my faith with JOY inside and PEACE, but im still seeking God because I still need to have that genuine LOVE inside to be a lover of others that I some what struggle with.
Before my consecration, I had a great stable relationship with my Dad.
But then during my consecration, after I told my parents I found my calling through Christ, and told them that I am going to serve full time in ministry someday.
My relationship with my dad, is now very rocky. He just doenst want to acknowledge me as his son, just because I focus all my time onto God rather than trying to be a “normal” person he wants me to be. He’s all like “BE SOMEBODY!”
I say: “I AM and I WILL! THROUGH GOD!”
He’s all like: “*SCOFFS* NO, why cant you just be a regular kid and want to be a lawyer or a doctor?!”
These last several months since November, I’ve just focused all my time on God through reading the word, studying the word, studying in depth of the character of God & Jesus, theological studies, apologetics, praying, worship, ministry studies.
There’s just something about God that I cannot deny, especially after the fact that I saw an angel before my eyes in 2005. I cannot go back to my old life, God is real!
I am not crazy. Yet it’s the person I love the most in my life, my dad, sigh…he thinks im crazy, and says I should go see a shrink. And his brother, my atheist uncle just cannot see or fathom why Im radically to know God.
The truth is my dad is an alcoholic. We’ve had a long history of not getting along, fights, arguments. Eversince I saw him beat my mother every night growing up little child, I saw my one dad who I looked up to as a role model turn into a monster, and a piece of betrayal lay into my heart, turning me into the troubled teenager, and finally finding God in late teens, and thus realizing what’s going on in this world. Thereafter, after my dad went to jail for his alcoholism, and him not have a drivers license anymore, I was forced to be his designated driver, through those 3 years, out came a wonderful father to son relationship.
Now in its fourth year, it’s not that anymore. The relationship vanished because of my willing spirit wanting to pursue Christ full time 24/7 365!
There are many nights where we are arguing back and forth on the topic of Jesus. Ive been trying to get him to listen that He is the truth.
For four years I have been trying to evangelize to him.
The first year, at first I thought it was through rebuking/exhortation. That obviously did not work. The second year, i thought okay maybe If I show him by being a better example as a better person, He will see that okay, he may come. That almost worked, but it wasn’t good enough, it was still vain.
The third year was through prayer and meditation, and letting the holy spirit to come after him in the prophetics. But it’s been weird here, He’s been having prophetic dreams of demons hurting him, and I’ve also been having prophetic dreams of him suffering in the burning fire of hell.
Now it’s in fourth year, I am still praying, but this time im trying to bring in some apologetics of C.S. Lewis into it, but he has a stubborn attitude.
We’ve had many many arguments, yes I win all them through the authority of the bible and God’s wisdom, but He still has a hardened heart of ICE COLD and still stubborn to not take a second to listen, and I understand why. It’s because He’s experienced with false Christian converts who did not embrace him through the power of grace and love as Christ wanted us to exemplify. No wonder why he feels so oppressed and chooses not to listen to Christ, because it were those Presbyterians that affected him to think differ.
And yet my two other members of the family: My mom & my little sister (22yrs). Are also CONFUSED CHRISTIANS. Why cant they see that the world we live is run by satan. No wonder why they are so stubborn to what they think. They support Gay marriage. They believe being Gay is genetic.
They think I am the close minded one for thinking that gay is not genetic? No. I took 6 months out of my life to study the gays, I read books, I studied articles, I met and spent time with the gays, in fact during my freshman year of college, I had a gay roommate.
And what I realize it’s the world that is influencing their minds to think like that.
Look yo. I have love for my gay peoples, I will always be your friend, but that doesn’t mean I support gay marriage. I do not support gay marriage at all. I do not believe being gay is genetic. But I don’t hate gay people. If you want to invite me to your gay festivals, I will come and bring hugs of love, for I know what it feels like to be rejected as I once was growing up.
I think the only two strong Christians in my family is my cousin 1st cousin: Leana & 2nd cousin: Bobbie. I hope that my own fam will see that these intercessors will help them to see the light.
Christianity is not a business!
That’s what people think on the outside, or perceive.
It’s DEEPER than that.
Church is not there to launder money, sure you may see pastors making bank, driving BMW’s/ Mercedes, or the churches looking like royalty. But that wasn’t just from the business logistics. It was given through the grace of God! It took time! It took prayer, it didn’t just magically POOF* came out of thin air!
Yes I understand, that there are some churches out there that do not emphasize this way and make it as a business profit. But do not generalize ALL churches are like that.
And people say, oh yea, going to church, that’s good. You came to meet some girls or get a girlfriend? Or: That’s good, so you’re trying to make a better reputation for yourself? Or: Oh so you wanna look good, a better image. Or: oh church is good for you.
NO. DON’T THINK LIKE THAT.
It’s DEEPER bro. It’s to chase the will of God, to understand and engage the relationship. Not come to church to find a calling, but come to church to serve.
Because you want to, because its in your heart, to help! To help restore the kingdom of Heaven on earth, because it’s been so ruined by the weight of man and turned into more image. It’s deeper than that man, cant you see peoples?? It’s not so much about image, its about HIS INTENT: LOVE.
So coming back to my home. I don’t live in a Christian home. And I already can feel the demons hiding and rustling in my backyard behind the bushes. And I always feel a dark presence hovering inside my home. And I already am having encounterances of the demons hibernating inside my vessel, and telling me negative things, and I do get emotional outburst where I wanna cause violence. And then I look at myself, and start being aware, and im like what the hell is going on? Why am I acting like this, why am I randomly getting angry or jealous! GOD PLEASE RESTORE ME. HELP ME.
It’s just tiresome to keep trying to pray to Jesus to help clean the home repetitively with agony and pain, because it’s as if im living in this hell hole of a home, because the demons have invaded, and Im trying so hard to rid of them out of my home, but they keep coming back in. No wonder why it makes sense why my mom, sister, dad is all so negative, depressed, oppressed by the evil.
I ask myself, Can I do this on my own all alone? Or will it be better for one of my fellow radical Christians to come and bring healing?
I need some prayers everyone. Please pray for what im going through.