i love this song:
so i think i now understand what real love is. the definition.
it has always been inside my heart, i knew it, i just was always told what was right or wrong by people. and thats when i realized. i dont serve people. I serve God.
for what people who try to change you into something of what they want you to be. that’s not right. do it for what you think is right, and you only know it, as well as God.
my truth is LOVE. its not really “My” truth, to begin with. it’s actually God.
So this is what I’ve been realizing.
it all started through facebook.
see, i wrote an entry about this earlier, facebook’s true intent was to engage in relationships, it was never about trying to seek attention (<—-that’s the stupidest thing i ever heard).
and now i realize that, as an Artist, a forerunner messenger, i am a very expressive person. I speak my mind. and the people who know me personally more than just a visage of an acquaintance, then they understand me completely.
But for those who dont know me at all, and those who are not expressive people. will only judge me by what they see, and automatically come to conclusions of rebuking me because of discernment.
and I am passionate about justice. I have always been a justice person, I think i get it from my mom, since she’s highly into democratic politics, my mom reminds me alot of Joan of Arc or somekind of wonderwoman xena princess warrior haha.
If i see wrong, theres a fire burning inside me to speak about it or try to change it.
maybe that’s why i have a blog.
so when it comes to facebook, being a justice person, i write alot of status updates as if it was my own blog, and i already knew that 500 of facebook friends will read all my statuses, yet never comment nor like, and i dont care, i just have to speak my mind, it’s my only self satisfaction, but what i realized couple weeks ago is that. facebook destroys your personal reputation amongst the community, because here’s why:
people misunderstand INTENT.
people just dont wanna take the time out to get to know me personally, and would rather just judge me from my media or status updates.
that also comes to another thought i was thinking of earlier about what true love really is. and im not talking about romantic love between partners, im talking about the love between people just as is.
when people say “I LOVE YOU”. they dont actually love you, because real love means unconditional love.
as it says in 1 Cor 13.
love is sacrifice, kindness, and keeps no records of wrongs, etc.
when people say i love you, they only mean, they only love the “IDEA” of you.
but that could change the next day, so they might say they love you today, but what about tomorow?
only one person who loves you is God, who is through Jesus.
here’s the thing i learned. I have these group of friends. my best friends. ive known these guys for the last 15yrs of my life. But guess what. they can quickly become an enemy the next day. cuz, they only love the IDEA of me. and they only know ONE FACET of me. they dont even know the deepest darkest secrets of my life. why? because i thought it was real unecessary to even bring it up, the only person who knows is Jesus.
have you guys ever experienced this, when you pour out your heart to the ones who you thought loved you, thought were gonna be on your side, but they reject you instead, and you feel alone.
i think everyone has gone through this trip. its horrible.
even my own parents or family. they dont really know me, i thought about this deeply. They only know me from one facet of me. that facet is through my actions or appearances on the outside exterior. But they dont know who i really am in the inside.
i think that’s the problem with this world, is that we pay too much attention to what’s on the outside, that we forget what’s on the inside.
so ive been on this journey and after understanding what real love is. i dont even look at people from the outside anymore.
i see people through their hearts. and these last couple of weeks. its been sad. these new people ive been meeting. having random convos with strangers. they are going through the same thing that i went through when i was a non believer. feeling alone, depression, suicidal.
i know exactly how they feel. i went through the same thing!
and i just want them to know. Jesus is with them, He has always been. I think the only way i can show them is through the grace of what it means to be a REAL FRIEND of TRUE LOVE in HIS INTENT and NOT MY IMAGE.
cuz ive been thinking about other things too.
LOVE is pure innocence heart.
but the world (run by satan/demons) takes this innocence, and adulterates it into trash.
no wonder why you see so many pedofiles, or when you see a pretty girl, the guys automatically fantasize about her body parts rather than focusing on what’s inside her heart.
so anyways going back, your friends dont really love you, they only love the idea of you. and they dont understand what real love is if their heart is not christ centered of selflessness intentions.
but i learned that because this is reality, im not shaken by it though. despite it to be as not enjoyable as i once thought. they are still my hands and feet of the yoke in Christ. The body of Christ.
so i cannot hate my hands nor feet. I have to love them.
ive also been thinking about other notions like…see, my dad is a non believer. after 4yrs of trying to convert him, im at the point where i think im going to give up, because he’s like DEAD ON SOLID about not trying to come to God whatsoever. so then i had this dream, my dad burning in hell, trying to escape, climbing the hell mountain to the clouds reaching his hand out to mine, as I’m standing next to God in heaven. and he keeps saying sorry son, i shouldve believed you.
So I was thinking, because i love my dad too much, is it possible to sacrifice my own salvation for my Dad’s wellbeing, so that he can go to heaven instead of me, I love Him too much, that i do not want him to burn in the firey lava pit, I would give up my own life just to know that he’s safe in the clouds of zion.
and yes. that is why i deleted facebook.