Where I stand in my beliefs right now


So here is where I stand now in my beliefs from learning in my walk.

Im at the point where I do not really care so much about speakers, pastors, “prophets”, or “intercessors”. I do not put speakers on a pedastal, no idolatry. I mean sure for what they speak is encouraging and inspirational, although
1 Tim 2:5 The only mediator is Jesus.
I only look to Jesus as my master and mediator, for what my brothers or mentors or pastors, speakers, intercessors try to edify me, I am only going to take their words with a grain of salt.
For what i have realized is that Christianity is not a religion, it is relationship. For everyone’s walk is different from each other, we do not know each other’s true motives or intents in a person’s heart. only that one person knows what his/her’s heart is and God.
1 Corin 2:11
For who can know what is someone’s true intent or motives behind a person’s heart? The same context goes for God, no one knows God’s true motives or intent except God.

Therefore I do not believe it is right to judge others. Although for discernment, i believe this should only come into context with somebody who does not know what they are doing. Such as children who need guidance or non-believers.

I have thought long and hard about what “House of Prayer” movement represents. And why is it so important for me to speak in tongue and why is it so important of me to dig deep into prayer and why is it so important of me to go to IHOP.

After long long long time thinking and praying. I realized i will continue to try to go to IHOP.
For i truly believe IHOP will pertain to my walk in my own personal relationship I have with Jesus.
Now understanding why digging deep into prayer is so important, because it’s a communication platform to talk to God, the more its dug deeper the more we get to sustain the relationship.

But as far as Speaking in tongues, People have said that this gift is to help you get to dig deep into prayer. Although the way i see it, i do not think that speaking in tongues is necessary to dig deep into prayer or consecrate radically. For I believe speaking in tongues is called a “gift” for a reason. For if everyone learned it as an acquired skill of trade, then it wouldnt be known as a “gift”. I’ve seen so many abundant seminars, books, and workshops where teams and speakers are teaching believers how to learn to acquire gifts. For this doesnt really make sense to me and would contradict to the “gift vs skill” aspect.

I’m at the point where i believe a calling or finding a purpose in life doesnt really matter.
For it says in ecclesiastes, the meaning of life for man is to serve God, that is man’s duty.
So now that i know that is my duty, then to find a calling doesnt matter anymore. Because I believe we are not called by zeal, but to become His children.

I’m content with what I have. I am at the point where “hey, i dont have any spiritual gifts nor a calling, but hey i dont care! im content with what i have in life! because im called to be His son. that’s all that matters to me.”

Now as Jesus is the only mediator, I’m starting to see that i do not need to rely on man to find the answer, for it is my relationship, my own walk with Jesus where i find the answers.
I do not need to go to church or see these famous speakers give their message in a sermon (Mike Bickle, Misty Edwards, Allan Hood, Shelly Hundley, Sharon Kim, Francis Chan, Billy Graham, Ben Atkinson, Lou Engle, Bill Johnson, Kim Walker-Smith, etc.). Yes they’re words come to edify us on an act of love, and yes it does sound interesting, inspirational, and encouraging. Yet, What i believe is that with what they say is only pertaining to what they’ve experienced in their own walk. It will not necessarily apply to my life nor anyone else’s walk, because as i said everyone’s walk is on different paths. This is not to say I am close minded nor stubborn, this is just saying that I am going to take what they say with a grain of salt.

This is very reason why right now in my walk, I do not believe you do not need to go to church in order to seek relationship with Jesus. I also believe church is not a building. Yes church is the bride of Christ, but i believe the bride of Christ can exist through ourselves. Yes church emphasizes fellowship. But you do not need to simply to go to church to be apart of  community. That’s what the world is for, there are people outside walking out and about too.
Home Church Movement VS Institutionalism.

I’m against religion, Institutional Churches, and calvinism.

I do not believe a person needs to go seek out a healer to recieve healing, i believe if a person wants to be healed that desperately, he/she can seek out Jesus through prayer alone. They do not need to seek out an appointed figure.

For it is not our job to repent others, it is our job to repent to Jesus.
Repenting others is only a choice made by Man.
Creating a church was only a choice made by man.
So we do not need to rely or seek Man in order to make our own paths straight.
For it is important to take everything by man with a grain of salt.
Because it is not their responsibility to orthodox you, it is yours alone. It is your responsibility to edify your own walk in your own journey with Christ. That’s what the advocate and the walk is there for.

My ideal church is not really a “church” that society’s ideology has of.
My kind of church is the early church in the book of acts. A Tabernacle of David. A House of Prayer i believe is the bride of Christ. A church without denominations. A Church that emphasizes community. A church that emphasizes on worship, prayer, ministries, and spiritual mediation. Yet the Word should only be applied to a believer’s own walk, the way i feel about it, is i believe its just unecessary that if its involved within church service.

For I am choosing to opt out of any sermons, conferences, events, seminars, workshops, messages now. However if i am in the mood to go, i go.
I dont need to go to church to seek Jesus, because I have that in my own personal walk.
But however, I go to church to serve in ministry. And Small groups I go for community.

The ministries i would like to serve are: Children Equipping Center, Fitness, & Forerunner Arts.

See the way i see it now is that the bibles we have today are only intepretations and translations designed by man in modern times derived from the original bible which were written by Prophets who were the intercessors to audibly hear the voice of God as a direct order in which the scriptures were born.

But that’s just it. the bibles today are “interpretations” by man. interpretations by definition means educated guess of analysis, but under who’s analysis? that is of which is man. So in a way it is guessing.
For in 1 Cor 2:11 How can man know for certain what is in God’s mind, what is God’s true intent? no one knows that for certain.
This can also apply to how we have these “prophets” & intercessors recieving prophetic words. They say that the Lord spoke to them, but if there are no more Prophets that could audibily hear the voice of God as direct clear order, then that would mean that the “prophets” today are just men who are making “interpretations” to what they think the Lord is speaking to them. When it all comes down to it, that it’s only a guess, based on their own self analysis.

Even through prayer, How can we know for certain what the Lord is saying? we may even get a whisper from the subconscious, but how do we know that is directly from the Lord? for it is only an interpretation by man.

I think the only evident thing that really makes up for what is a clear answer not by guessing is through prophetic dreams, open visions, miracles, wonders, & the supernatural.

Although even dream interpretations is also just a guess.

Which is why i thought long and hard about this, if we do not know God’s real intent, that also means we dont really know God fully then. But at the same time we love God.
Which also means, we dont need to know a person at all in order to love them. We do not need to know their true intents in their heart to love them.

And so to conclude with this is that then it really doesnt matter to know what the interpretations are then. It doesnt matter what is the answer. It does not matter what is our calling or purpose. The only thing that matters is Love. We do not Chase after God, to find what our calling is or what the answers are. We chase after Him because we Love Him.

For i also thought: I cannot begin to imagine a life without Him there. For life would not make any sense.

And so that is why i feel that we need to stop being so concerned about what is the answers, because we do not know! period!
But just seek Him because that’s the only thing that matters. God is Love.
Let me also include books.
Books vs Bible.
In my opinion books are a waste of time for me.
I mean sure yes it is interesting, and yes books are there to be translations to modern society.
But i think that people are missing out on the concept here.
That is the relationship we need to focus on: Just simply You & Jesus period.
Nothing else. Reading the word in your own quiet time to yourself, with prayer, spiritual mediation, and meditation included is the only way for you to understand what God is saying. Yes your comprehension can also mean interpretations, but that is also what a person’s walk means right? A Journey of servanthood. For what books are really is that it is the author’s own experience for edification. But that author’s experience is based on interpretations under self analysis right? I mean how else would the author receive true interpretation? Like what God is going to come down and speak to them to write this book?  No. For what the author’s message only pertains to the author’s walk. It may not necessarily apply to the reader’s. It may be a beacon of encouragement. Or to gain knowledge to see at an interesting point of view, although that’s all it really is.

Because its like check this:
your born to be a saxophone player. But you go ahead and take a bunch of drumming lessons. And u graduate to come out be a sax player in the end. What was the point of all that? Sure you have learned how to drum now, but when you know that your duty is to the sax.

Like saying:
You were born to be a servant of God, but you go ahead and take a buddhism study. And u graduate to come out to be a Christian in the end, what was the point of all that? It only was a waste of time, it mediated your time which you should have been focused on Lord, but you spent it all on buddha studying. When you already know what’s in your heart and what you believe in and you end up coming out to be a follower of Christ in the end.

Knowledge is useless information. Wisdom is from God.
Knowledge has no substance and only boosts the ego.
But the only truth that really matters is Love, and that is where the Gospel stands.
for if the old testament is the law of laws, and the new testament is the law of love. Then the new testament only applies to modern Christianity today. And that means the only thing that matters today is Love.

For who is to say who is going to go to Heaven? No one knows that except God.
For I thought long and hard about this being rebuked by a calvinist.
And what does not make sense is if I went to hell for living a life on earth devout to Christ’s emphasis on having a true intent of Love inside the heart and all actions, then that would also mean that the entire faith is a total lie. For then life wont make any sense, because true love is a global ideology. Everyone knows the difference between fake love vs Real unconditional love. So with this being said, then love is truth. And Christianity is the truth. For all the other religions do not emphasize true love, but act on law of laws or good deeds on self vanity or image.


However I believe Churches are good for those who dont have a real personal relationship with Jesus yet, but are trying to find it. Probably for the ones going through bad times right now: the divorcees, or the people who lost a family member, or those just trying to find an answer to their life.

But overall, I am against this whole “Gentile” Christian life-style, it’s just so diluted from what early christianity predates back to 70A.D. I’ve been trying to find that raw organic element of Christianity, and i stumbled upon it through my own prayer walk. I believe the significance exists in the greatness of mother nature.

Which I also have some inquiries about IHOP.
If IHOP emphasizes deep relationship intercession movement.
And I believe that the God’s significancy exists in mother nature, Why can I not go to YWAM Montana instead?
there is a certain program at YWAM Montana where camping in the wilderness of the great outdoors DTS provided. For I believe you do not need to rely on a certain organization in order to dig deep into relationship intercession, Yes IHOP emphasizes this strongly, more than YWAM does. But is it all that really important? Yes in order to get to know God better is through relationship as prayer in the communication platform. But this is also a catch-22, if we do not fully know who God is, then why does it matter to then to try to figure out to get to know God in relationship when we know that we can not know God fully. Shouldn’t we just be content with what it is?

So I say to those receiving prophetic words from speakers/teams/prophetic pastors/etc. Take it with a grain of salt, they’re only predictions.

2 thoughts on “Where I stand in my beliefs right now

  1. Ryan

    Albert, I love that you are going deeper in your walk wihh Him and really digging deep into your heart and spirit and relationship with Him. There is NO substitute for quiet time alone with God. And love is the ultimate goal and reality and truth.

    That said, I believe that God has intentionally designed us to experience Him not only through our relationship with HIM, but also with and through others. THAT is why the Church is so important. Not as an institution or man-made structure, but as a covenant community of RELATIONSHIP. Christ did institute the Church as a Body of Believers. That is why it is so important to balance our relationship and quiet time with Him as well as with others. Both inform and deepen the other in a mutually edifying, dynamic interation.

    I also believe that God has still appointed apostles and prophets to speak to and through the Church, and that He has structured the Body in (by defintion) an organic means of bringing and cultivating life in all its various and disparate members in the spirit if unity and lvoe. So, I believe that what pastors, speakers, and prophets say can serve as a very timely and important word to others. Again, though, nothing substitutes for each individual Believer’s time alone with the Master and their own meditation on Scripture and in prayer. It’s both/and; not either/or.

    I’d love to talk to you more about everything. So glad to see you really owning your walk and faith!

    In His love,

    1. XraySilas Post author

      Its 2017, and im reading this post, and i dont know what i was thinking. This post also saddens me. The person who i was before is not the same person i am today. I am so deeply apologetic and remorseful for even publishing this garbage. But I am going to keep it to reveal my transparency and vulnerability to see how much progress i have made as a Christian Blogger.


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