So I stumbled upon my calling what God wants me to become. A Leader for His people.
I guess a calling happens when you stop caring and you become content with being a child of God, that now God has decided to show me what my calling is, I had an instant revelation a couple weeks ago at my small group. Wow.
And I know exactly what it takes to be a leader and what it means to be a leader and how to be a leader.
Through the Ten Years discovering myself more and more through my spiritual journey and my own life, realizing my identity even more clearer, I know my flaws and strengths. And the last 7yrs, ive just been focused on training. I’m very passionate about training, it’s just my whole philosophical approach to my life in this world, it’s what motivates me to be better in life.
I’ve realized that even the flaws, weaknesses, mistakes, accidents, regrets are all a part of who you are. And I’ve made so many mistakes in the past, but I’ve learned that I don’t regret any of them anymore, I’m at the point where I don’t care, and through this new perspective, I feel FREE because everything makes sense in my life now.
But here’s the problem I am facing with: EXPECTATION SUFFERING.
I found out just recently that I am a fast learner. And it is because the science is to pay attention fully and not stress about it, to keep persevering through the thick and thin…even when times do get tough.
Just looking back in my life, from highschool to now, reflecting upon the memories of my entire young life to young adult development, its been a journey! It made me realize that I have high leadership qualities & skills.
But the problem I’m facing is that I am AFRAID of COMMITMENT.
It’s because I know in order to be a leader, there’s a great price to pay for it: SACRIFICE on a HUGE RESPONSIBILITY role for others. See the thing is, I love where my life is going right now, so easy going and smooth as butter, everything is flowing my way on the highway. Feels good. Everything is coming together so well and I don’t even have to try that much anymore.
But at the same time, its making me feel lukewarm and kinda bored with life because the only concern im fulfilling is my own life….which is pretty vain. It’s like self glory, it’s so stupid and pointless. I’m not really serving a purpose.
As a justice person, if I see people who need help, someone to stand up for, someone who needs some encouragement, I am there! I will always try to help to the best of my knowledge.
I’m a motivator. (genetics from Dad). To be more specific: I’m a trainer!
I keep getting this prophetic dream and vision that I’ve entered God’s throne, kneeling on one knee, holding my giant sword, and being anointed by God. Abba Father says “you are my son of royalty, you are my anointed prince, you are my knight, you are born to be a leader to lead my people, go set forth and train my people”. Then I see myself prepping his people for battle, putting their armor on, training them for battle, supplying their swords and weaponry, putting them on their horse. Sharpening our swords, and getting ready to fight in the battle of chaos against the demons and the dark evil that invade this land. Time to fight!
I really got into training through Bboying mostly (2006). It sorta kicked the inspiration to take training seriously. To be a better bboy for upcoming competitions, I had to concentrate on the little elements that comprised for better athletic performance which I eventually developed my own fitness program that focuses on these elements: which is the 7 elements. These 7 elements is what I focus on in everything in life approaching the world.
Which is the mind, body, spirit, emotions, character, society, & God.
From this, it entered not only just bboying, but as well as other artforms like rap & painting. And then entered into other sciences, and even business professionalism, as well as ministry organization.
The 7 elements is relevant with everything that consists procession and logistics.
Right now, I am now employed, grateful in appreciation to God. Thank you so much Abba Father.
I created a master plan, in order for me to teach this important program that could definitely help people become their own leader. I needed some funds. So I made a plan to introduce it as a fitness program through Bboying, as a certified vegan personal trainer & plant based dietitian.
In order for me to get those certifications to get my own business to launch, I need funds. So that’s why I got a job for 2 reasons:
1. To raise funds for ihop & ywam (to my calculations 2yrs working to make $15k = $5k ihop + $10k ywam).
2. To raise funds for certifications ($500 cpt & $1k for vegan nutritionist)
Then once that’s all over. Go to IHOP finish 6month internship to become full time staff as CPT & Bboy Instructor through implementing my vegan fitness 7 elements business as not only just marketplace but ministry.
serve ihop for a while, and when it’s time go serve at ywam with leftover funds.
looking towards ywam Montana edts & live on base as full time missionary.
Also during those 2yrs, I’ll be returning back to school to finish my undergrad/grad to be a Vegan RD.
as a back up plan and because working at a vegan restaurant as a cashier/prep cook is not that great for the long run. I have more of a passion to focus on product development if I were to work for a vegan company. I get a lot of thoughts,
So My friend Sarah gave me prophetic words that There are 2 kinds of leaders: a Nurturer and a Motivator. I am definitely not a Nurturer. A Nurturer is someone who tries to give growth and encouragement of developmental focus on individualization. Whereas a Motivator gathers a large group of people and engages them through motivational speeches or trains them as a whole. And that’s me.
So I am just afraid to step up to be the leader because of the high expectation to have an immense amount of stress burdening on my shoulders. Always having to be responsible of other people’s lives. And I wont have a life of my own then. And afraid I might just get really drained and stressed out.
I went to men’s small group and the small group leader mentioned a lot of bible verses that definitely defined me to the exact.
I was blown away, but Im like Jonah and moses. Im just afraid.
There are so many opportunities coming at my way to take the position to be a leader, and so many people at small group have told me after getting to know me that I am a leader and I have leadership qualities.
I just try to not acknowledge it and lie about it “nah man im a spectator, observer”.
But I know exactly what it means to be a leader.
It means to be a shepherd. To care for people. To care for the sheep.
You cant discourage a fellow if he done wrong, and you cant dwell on a mistake that happened for too long. Because why? It’s obvious and that’s negative, it’s not helpful. Tough love is not healthy. I live with a asshole dad at home, who chooses to discourage and negative comments. But I see that as reverse psychology in showing love. But still it’s pretty unhealthy for motivational growth development, and you have to be a smart mofo in order to truly understand why they are doing that.
In order to be a leader, you have to be VERY understanding and at the same time be positively helpful.
The people who discourage you in negative manner as a motivational tool just means they never had a positive leader that showed them the right way in example. Because in order to be a leader, you need to have been inspired by a lead example.
For example: my dad never had a great father figure to help show him the way to be a positive leader.
Therefore psychologically he uses his motivation as assholic as it can get. Because it is his self pride that is the trigger point for his type of “leadership act”
And my example: Jesus Christ is my example, his character portrays how to be a right positive healthy leader. A Teacher of love. Therefore I’ve learned how to be a positive leader in an encouraging way. Because the science is that jesus’ act of love, the law of love is the trigger point for this type of leadership act as positive it can be.
And why do I love the essence of training? Because what doesn’t kill you only makes you STRONGER!
I love hard work and challenges, sure it is tough. But man after you accomplish it, you feel so good in the end, like I DID IT!
The core of man’s heart is new experiences. So I love the hard stuff in life, it challenges my spirit to see how willing I am and tests my strength: mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.
And I don’t do it for a prize or money or fame or recognition. I don’t care about any of that, I just do it for myself. I love breaking a sweat, and I love feeling pain, it just makes me feel so alive.
And feeling lukewarm is boring! Its just sparks a fire passion inside my heart to fight for people.
So it brings to question how long should I be lukewarm? Is it time to be a leader?
In order for me to really gain that leader edge, I need to study the word more in depth. And my relationship with God well….im relying a lot on myself lately and its deadening my soul.
In order for me to get that edge, I need that rock. So I need to rely on Him more and read the word more.
God has sent me 2 new prophetic dreams.
1. God showed me scriptures saying you need to study my word son.
2. I’ve come to a cross praying, and then the cross started to pull me to the clouds of heaven, but I was afraid so I jump away to come back to earth.
I now know why God gave me a job now. Because it’s part of my spiritual training as a leader and personal relationship. To work as a way to raise funds on my own, through that it gives a sense of hard work ethic, what I worked for I earned to get to my goal.
And to engage more into my work with my fellow co-workers, because I see that my team doesn’t have what it takes to be the right positive leader for healthy working relationships. And I feel that I’m the only one capable of it to teach them properly. All my co-workers I can see are stressing out too much, relying on negativity too much, and are forgetting to love one another. Even the supervisors are fueled by their title, instead of what it means to be a leader: “care”.
Even during our breaks, co-workers are scattered off, instead of coming together in unity.
I now know why I was given this job in the first place, the picture is clearer now.
To test my leadership skills to the best of my knowledge and ability, inspired by the authority of Christ. To show people how to love. To show that in order for relationships to work whether it be in business, family, friends, or even organizations, there needs to be a positive healthy light. and that can only be fueled by the rock which is the wisdom of God.
It’s been really interesting though, my general manager tells me that I’ve impressed her this entire couple of weeks, by being the first one to memorize the menu so accurately in just a couple of days and picking up things quickly as a fast learner, fast paced, and hard worker, as if this wasnt my first time working in a restaurant.
And in my previous job I was a supervisor, supervising 70 children and training 3 employees. And the previous job before that was an asst manager and instructor. So it must mean I have what it takes to be a leader? Since ive also been a freelance artist getting fame on my own in the past in 2003, and starting my own business?
So wish me luck