Monthly Archives: August 2013

He wants me

I just had a revelation.

For a while, I was thinking, when I was a kid, God used to talk to me AUDIBLY. 

Like I could hear him as clear without making an assumption.

But then i went into the world, got lost, got blind, and deaf. couldnt see nor hear him anymore.

And now in my late twenties, ive been trying to seek Him. but you know i still couldnt hear nor see him like i used to when i was little. 

but God has been revealing me LOTS of wisdom, knowledge, and self awareness of my surroundings and my own actions. through lots of self reflecting and showing me reminiscent nostalgia memories. 

until then i realized God has been showing me these visions BECAUSE HE WANTS ME BACK!

He wants me back with him again. 

and i realized I NEED TO TRY HARDER

I am so deeply humbled. its the little things that you dont seem to notice that are actually arrogant, like caring about your self beauty or time schedule that pertains to your time. 

i miss you God, i want to walk with you so bad. 

I want to know what it felt like when i was little again to be walking with you side by side.

I need your presence oh Lord. 

Why I returned to Church

Now over the course of my 3 or 4 month journey, I think from May to August.
I stopped going to church. This all started by being attacked/rebuked by several people of the church. There i met a friend who has his own ministry going on against the institutional church. I got deep into it and it really opened my eyes to what’s really going on with the institutional ministry. Now it wasnt the fact that we were against the institutional church, we were against the system of institutionalism. How instead of letting God take the course of the way, it was Man that manipulating the control of the church.
This also was about conformity, rules, policy, guidelines, it really opened my eyes to a new platform.

There were a lot of things that I disliked within the institutionalism systematics.

Such as condescending prayers, judgement, manipulation, control, denomination divisions, principals, over-analysis, false interpretation, and conformity.
I knew myself better than anyone else did. & I intend to be and act like myself the way God wants me to. But to have a deacon or a pastor rebuke me and judge me to do in the sake of image and self glorification, and that I should be agree to conformity for the respect of the church’s principals & society standards, I wasn’t having that.

This is during the time I studied so much about how the bible was created, and looking outside of the box for what really seminary school is actually doing and what the institutional churches are doing. I started to see that it was all about conformity based from the congregation’s control, when it should’ve been about God from the start. I really felt that it wasn’t about trying to gain recognition from a biblical association, but it should’ve been about Jesus this entire time. & I just really did not like the fact that it’s not okay to be yourself in the church bc it’s the code of conduct of what a Christian should act like.
This was a very militarized way of obedience, and I thought to myself is this what God wants you to be? To act like someone your not?

For example. If you were apostle paul, do you just sit there and be quiet the entire time during worship and prayer, all for the sake of the church’s core principals and rules of conformity?
Or if you were king david, do you just not pick up your sword and armor, bc you know that is how God created you as with that purpose for battle. But do you not be the way you were designed to be all for the sake of a policy of an organization?

I felt that in order for you to make an influence in society, a persuasive credential needs to be there. Such as having a college degree, license, certificate, experience, resume, or references. This is the only way for people to believe in you. I felt like why do we have to go through all this to prove our worth to be accepted into society, or an institutionalized church, when it’s not the materialistic possession or status we need, but it’s God.


And here is what God revealed me to this month of August:

& that’s what I realized throughout my entire 4 month Journey. I paid so much attention to what the church is doing and what wrong there is, bc I wasnt getting fed in church, i wasnt learning anything, and the church wasnt teaching anything about Jesus but more like what’s happening in church. That it became a distraction from my walk with Jesus. The more i paid attention to the institutionalized system, the less i paid attention to what is actually more important: my “intimate” relationship with Jesus.

& here I realized that no church is perfect, church is not a building so you can get something out of it, it’s more like a gathering of sinners all coming together suffering from pain and hurt, but we come together in unity to seek healing together and God’s love.
(You cannot truly recieve God’s love if you dont have the love for others: brothers and sisters, so having resentment must be cleared. Matthew 18:21-35. God’s love truly comes from fellowship of community.) So that is why Church is so important, to understand how to have God’s love is through community. and church is that.
You cannot really get fed properly through the church, the feeding should be through your own walk with Jesus, that’s why prayer & studying the word or your walk is very important, just find some spare time and use that time for dedicating it to the Lord. If you dont do your quiet time or cherish the walk, and just depend on church as your feed, and wait every sunday until sermon comes. you’re not really going to get what you needed. adult feeding really comes through how much time you spent through your individualized walks with God.

It’s more than OK to be Vulnerable!!!

God revealed this to me:

If everyone is a sinner, then why do we get so afraid to share or expose the hidden deepest darkest secrets within our hearts? It’s like we’re insecure. I think it’s because we are afraid of people who will judge us for the wrong we’ve done. But none of them have even the authority to judge either since they are just as much of a sinner as we are too. So it doesn’t even make complete sense to be afraid. And this is the lies whispered by the enemy to brainwash us and let fear to fill our hearts.

Because really we just want to be loved and appreciated and understood and accepted. That’s why we try so hard to fit into society, by living society’s standards.

We should just be as honest and open as possible with each other, it’s okay to be vulnerable to people.
By understanding this notion, you also understand that it doesn’t matter what people think of you anymore. God is the only who will judge us, not by action but by our hearts. And no one will truly understand each other, so of course judging will occur from people, although do not let this even bring you down, bc their judgment doesn’t even equate to God’s love for you. So in other words, YOU ARE FREE! Jesus gave you FREEDOM. Spread your wings and SOAR THROUGH THE SKY, bc it’s time to stop being afraid of your insecurities and be yourself the way He wanted you to be. No more ball and chain. No more being chained down. No more caring what people might think of you. They are no better than you are. We are all the same. We are all children of God.

Instead of bringing people down by condescending prayers, we should be exposing our secrets and be as vulnerable and honest and open with each other. So that we are now fully aware that all of us are sinners in camouflage, and it’s time to come together in unity as a strong one body community and harmonize fellowship, so that we can build each other up to grow together spiritually and align each part to God.

Each person is like a body part. That is why instead of judging each other’s sin VS building each sinner up is significantly imperative to know how to have a strong body of Christ (community).
How will a body be complete if it doesn’t have the foot or the hand or the head?
To make a complete body, all parts need to be in strong alignment, for correct navigation to reach God.

Through the establishment of the body, then spiritual portals open and channel out divine intervention throughout the entire body. Which is where God will reveal prophetic purpose & plan for all individually & corporately.



Because foreals though, I’ve never felt so FREE in my entire life.

I feel like i can say and do whatever i want to now in everyday life and not give a rat’s butt what people think about me or like i could care less if people stare at me. Bc i have God’s love and that’s the only thing that matters and is important to me!

i am done with facebook

everything of the world is only a way to distract you from walking with the Lord to seek Him as the end goal. 
Facebook is just that, Pinterest, Youtube, Twitter, Blogs, CNN, Media, every internet article you’ve come across, every single controversial topic about institutionalized systems or what something a church is doing, or the awareness check of some secular app’s mental affect, or a television following of christian celebrities can be help, but it can very well be more of a distraction too. 

bc at the end of the day. None of this matters. The only thing that really matters is Jesus.

The lest you worry about what the illuminati, freemasons, new world order, end of the world, the RFID chip, the government, the nations in war. yes the prophecy is coming true. yes we are in the end times. but we’re not meant to be the heroes. Jesus is the one who will come to save. 

boy do i hate watching news, movies, television, reading bias articles, facebook, youtube now. 
just walking with Jesus, this bible & prayer is the best gift in the world. something the world cannot equate to.

i literally hate facebook now. what a complete waste of time.

Dream Interpret ME

I need a dream interpreter.

I’ve been having this dream for the 12th time.
All dreams are different but very similar theme and story line.
I have no idea what it means. And why am I having this same dream over and over again?
Been having these dreams once in a while, it started in November 2012.

1.)    The first dream I had was when I was prepping a massive crowd for battle, sharpening swords, providing armor, and teaching soldiers battle tactics.

2.)    The 2nd dream was like the first, but this time archangels were sharpening their swords behind us, and we were on our horses, ready to strike across the battlefield, storming throughout the lands to the evil that we see across the distance.

3.)    The 3rd dream, I was deployed in Afghanistan, being led by my army comrades, and they are smiling at me implying that everything is going to be okay. But I get scared, so I go to the recruiting office and asked, “why am I even being deployed? I never signed up for the army in the first place, who authorized this?” And the recruiting officer showed me the paperwork with the signature form and it said in print “GOD” signed this. I was really afraid to go into the warzone, so I looked up to the sky and asked “why are you making me do this?” The wind pushed me into the battlefield and I heard Him say “everything is going to be alright, don’t worry.”

4.)    The 4th dream is when I’m in a military training facility. Training my body to get stronger. Here I am doing a bunch of pullups. The entire dream was just me doing pullups. I did a thousand pullups.

5.)    The 5th dream, just like the previous one, only this time I’m helping others try to train and equipping them for battle. Teaching them how to get stronger in pullups too.

6.)    The 6th dream, the church I am walking in is falling apart, buildings falling apart, pillars breaking, sexual orgies and demons running amuck. Then a horde of zombies come flying at me, Here I am swinging my sword and attacking, then behind me out of nowhere my friends come help. The world is in terror, and I am trying to get women-children-elders-youth to safety, putting them on the helicopter, while I stay here and fight with my friends against the evil here.

7.)    The 7th to 9th Dream is training time. Doing more pullups.

8.)    The 10th dream is I’m being led by Christ into this very dark place, zombies, demons, torture, suffering, vampires, werewolves, monsters all exist there. I was very scared. But they could not touch me bc I had a cloak of armor and carried an illuminated sword. In this dream I am a kid at the mere age of 12yrs old. The world is coming to an end, everything is being destroyed, earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, car accidents, banshees screaming, people dying left and right just like a warzone, and here I am praying, only to open eyes to find my old childhood youth pastor with his arms to embrace me in hugs and asks “how ive been, its been a long time since I seen you, i’ve missed you”

9.)    The 11th Dream, here I am being deployed into the Air Force, training soldiers in the dust and getting to know each platoon in a fellowship kinda form.

10.) The 12th Dream, was like a double dream, a dream inside of a dream, I fall asleep as the Air Force guy, and I wake up as a US Coast Guard, and here I am trying to take care of all regions, boundaries, looking out for people, and protecting all areas and people.  

Two Prophetic Pastors from IHOP-KC have told me that I am a Forerunner. I do not know what they mean by that. Anyways, this has been on my mind for a long time about my re-occuring dreams…its to the point where it’s bugging me now, bc I really want to know what it means and why am I having these dreams?