What’s more important love or pride?
You know me, im an independent soul. And I hate conformity. I just try hard to just not live into the society’s norms and standards and just be myself.
Because God designed me as the unique individual I am.
But then that’s what I realized. EVERYONE is unique. No one is normal.
So why should I keep insisting that I am an outcast and carry the title of an outcast amongst fellowship?
You know what that is? Still narcissism, still isolation pslams scripture. That is called being “Arrogantly Arrogant”: To think that you cannot conform to something bc you are an outcast.
That Arrogantly Arrogant notion was actually hurting me and increasing my self pride. Lies motivated by the enemy. Satan was slyly oppressing me, What a sneaky character he is. Snuck in and slipped in small doses of arrogance in a sly fashion. A Master of tricks, but thank to God all mighty to reveal and made me aware of the transformation.
The devil knew I was an intelligent man, but he used my intelligence against me into darkness. To just make me motivated to live a lonely life.
He knew I was a unique individual, so He brainwashed me to become hypnotized that if im going to be unique, so be it, let me be the outcast I am.
But now I see, God never wanted that for any of his sons and daughters. God really loves us. And He’s gonna try hard to save you from all the despair and lead into His wide open arms of embrace.
God does not want you to be an outcast for the rest of your life, he wants you to experience His love, and to do that is through His people.
And that’s what I realized today.
I do not like sports. I’m not a sports fan. So I do not pay an ounce of attention to the games on the tv. Like football or nba.
But everyone at my church does. I could very well stick to what I prefer doing with my time and just focus on me, but that will make me still alone and not know what fellowship and God’s love is.
OR I could set aside my pride and sacrifice my selfish productivity for the sake of brotherhood.
And conform to fellowship, in order to grow and experience God’s love.
So I am very well going to do that. Even though I hate football, I’m gonna get into it so I can just feel the love of fellowship…for the betterment of my spiritual walk and know the understanding of what love is.
I am learning a lot about this week by week.
There are a lot of things I do not like to do that most people do like to do: like playing cards, video games, playing sports.
But I force myself to get involved in it and to learn how to play something new, not for the sake to learn something new activity, BUT for the sake of how to have fellowship & cultivate that love within the church.
Grant it, I always lose & I suck at most of these things. Everyone knows it. But im gonna try to get good so I can still cherish and cultivate that oil inside.
Harnessing the lamp & churning that oil…..to ultimately be his little candle light.
I guess the stuff I know now. There is no perfect church.
every denomination and church is designed for something specifically for someone’s walk.
The Baptist is about the word. The Presbyterians are about the technical theology. The Methodists & Lutherans are about principals. The Anglicans & Calvinists are like the catholics, but they also focus more on the technicalities steered into a different medium of faith walk.
It doesn’t matter which church or denomination is better than the other. Not one is better than the other. But when it all comes down to it, it is the WORD, PRAYER, & SPIRIT that is the focus.
Too much spirit: no substance.
Too much Word and no spirit = no walk
Too much prayer but no word = no grit
A soldier with a shield cannot go into war without a sword. How can he protect himself with only having a sword but no armor?
The helmet, the sword, the shield: all needs to be intacted strong together.
However I think right now in my journey.
What I am realizing now. Is that I never knew it’s going to take a LONG LONG process to know the word.
Sure I could read a book per day, or read 10 chapters per day. But It is a lot better to read a small verse day by day, each day or even meditate upon it once a week. Bc doing that, you will be able to soak in everything slowly and THOROUGHLY like a sponge. If too much information comes thrown at you fast, it’s very easy to lose all thoughts and go sporadic, distracted, and not knowing how to make sense of things in logical organized fashion.
I’m still on genesis. Reading a few verses once a week. I’m trying to soak up as much as I can as slow and thoroughly as possible. Always visualizing and imagining what it would have been like if I was in their shoes in Abraham’s or Jacob’s. And then writing as much as I can down, studying, and just reminiscing and trying to get as much revelations as possible through prayer and using worship as the best mediums to accentuate the notions.
So I’m estimating the time I am going right now. I don’t even think I will finish reading the word within a year yet, I am possibly estimating it to an exceedingly 3yrs.
So the time and place I am at right now:
I think I am just going to stick with new song church for now (I know how it has less focus on the word, and more focus on the worship/prayer/spirit) but that’s just what I need, bc that’s where my heart lies. I realize if you are in a medium of the spirit, that’s where there is community and love. And that’s what I need right now in my life.
There is a good church called Novahop, where they have Sunday services, they focus a lot on equipping a soldier to prepare for battle. But with my lack of understanding of the word, I am not ready to go to novahop just yet, bc I feel like it will be too heavy for my own understanding, too much information will come flying at me. I need to soak up as much as I can to really understand the process and progression of my own walk.
If you are a Christian Soldier wanting more training. I highly advise go to novahop. It’s the best training facility I know.
& The other church I will be attending consistently is my old Baptist church, where I was raised in a Baptist community for 7yrs, it used to be called Franconia Baptist. But it’s now converted into Crossover Community. Aka XO
I realize XO is very word based, and that’s just what I need. Foundation for my soul.
Bc I am like this weak tree, flying every where where the wind picks me up and throws against.
I need strong roots.
So that is the two churches I will be attending for the next 3yrs. XO & New Song.
Novahop sometimes on Tues, when I can get a chance. Bc I have a heart for global prayer. Praying for myself is not enough. It’s a far better feeling to pray for others than yourself.
New Song Roar (Youth) Small Group on Tues 5pm – 9:30pm. Sometimes when I can get a chance.
New Song Covenant Community Small Group Fri 6:30pm – 10pm. Adult Small group.
New Song Roar (Youth) Service Sat 6:30pm – 9:30pm.
New Song Church Service Sun 11am – 1pm.
XO Sun service 1:15pm – 3pm.
XO Fellowship Service 3pm – whenever.
I realize since I am in school fulltime, I may not come on a consistent basis.
But the 3 yrs will help ample my time being there and try to get to know everyone as much as I can and help as much as I can.
Trying to have a servant’s heart.