There were a lot of things that I disliked within the institutionalism systematics.
Such as condescending prayers, judgement, manipulation, control, denomination divisions, principals, over-analysis, false interpretation, and conformity.
I knew myself better than anyone else did. & I intend to be and act like myself the way God wants me to. But to have a deacon or a pastor rebuke me and judge me to do in the sake of image and self glorification, and that I should be agree to conformity for the respect of the church’s principals & society standards, I wasn’t having that.
This is during the time I studied so much about how the bible was created, and looking outside of the box for what really seminary school is actually doing and what the institutional churches are doing. I started to see that it was all about conformity based from the congregation’s control, when it should’ve been about God from the start. I really felt that it wasn’t about trying to gain recognition from a biblical association, but it should’ve been about Jesus this entire time. & I just really did not like the fact that it’s not okay to be yourself in the church bc it’s the code of conduct of what a Christian should act like.
This was a very militarized way of obedience, and I thought to myself is this what God wants you to be? To act like someone your not?
For example. If you were apostle paul, do you just sit there and be quiet the entire time during worship and prayer, all for the sake of the church’s core principals and rules of conformity?
Or if you were king david, do you just not pick up your sword and armor, bc you know that is how God created you as with that purpose for battle. But do you not be the way you were designed to be all for the sake of a policy of an organization?
I felt that in order for you to make an influence in society, a persuasive credential needs to be there. Such as having a college degree, license, certificate, experience, resume, or references. This is the only way for people to believe in you. I felt like why do we have to go through all this to prove our worth to be accepted into society, or an institutionalized church, when it’s not the materialistic possession or status we need, but it’s God.
And here is what God revealed me to this month of August:
& that’s what I realized throughout my entire 4 month Journey. I paid so much attention to what the church is doing and what wrong there is, bc I wasnt getting fed in church, i wasnt learning anything, and the church wasnt teaching anything about Jesus but more like what’s happening in church. That it became a distraction from my walk with Jesus. The more i paid attention to the institutionalized system, the less i paid attention to what is actually more important: my “intimate” relationship with Jesus.
& here I realized that no church is perfect, church is not a building so you can get something out of it, it’s more like a gathering of sinners all coming together suffering from pain and hurt, but we come together in unity to seek healing together and God’s love.
(You cannot truly recieve God’s love if you dont have the love for others: brothers and sisters, so having resentment must be cleared. Matthew 18:21-35. God’s love truly comes from fellowship of community.) So that is why Church is so important, to understand how to have God’s love is through community. and church is that.
You cannot really get fed properly through the church, the feeding should be through your own walk with Jesus, that’s why prayer & studying the word or your walk is very important, just find some spare time and use that time for dedicating it to the Lord. If you dont do your quiet time or cherish the walk, and just depend on church as your feed, and wait every sunday until sermon comes. you’re not really going to get what you needed. adult feeding really comes through how much time you spent through your individualized walks with God.