Monthly Archives: September 2013

Reasons why I left my old church

Reasons why I left crossover community church:

Prayed to God, He said, “Stay at New Song Church. There is no reason to go backwards, embark your life in the new journey and move forward.”

Things I did not like while attending at XO:

-Lots of misunderstanding. Church Members judging me, automatic jumping to conclusions without even confronting to talk to me about it and going along the way to what they assume about me.
-Institutionalized System. Beliefs & perspectives were manipulated under a man-knowledge authority.
-There is no such thing as a brother to sister in Christ, genders are segregated, created sexual tension, and lots of over-analyzing of body language in misrepresented objective delivery communication or misunderstandings.
-The Korean mentality VS American mentality I did not enjoy.
Frequent misunderstandings due to different perspectives, etiquette, traditions, cultural communications, and upbringings.
-There was never a prayer movement nor spirit, or a worship & renewal Christianity. The ministry was facilitated on the extreme construct of absolute just the theology itself.
-People exist in the mind too much, no love, behavior needed standards and guidelines in order to feel comfortable, very selfish people. and there were many insecure people there that escalated drama, that I just happen to be invited because its coincidental. Ever heard of being at the wrong place & time?
-The head pastor & associate pastor did not believe in healing, prophets, visions, prophetics.
-Lukewarm Christians. Content with where everything in life is.
-Most of the believers there believed that praying was more of a self-meditating thing rather than what it should have been to TALK to God.
-People of little faith there & may in the supernatural.
-Other things I really did not like, trying to be a good friend as I could be, but some of the females there who I only viewed them just as sisters, over-analyzed my friendliness for hitting on them, which made the friendship turn BAD bc they made an assumption about me WITHOUT trying to talk about it.
-I also very much disliked how married women were trying to flirt with me or try to get my attention when I tried my every might to ignore and avoid them at all costs. Because they’re husbands were actually my good friends & def did not want to ever ruin our friendship I thought highly of.
-too much resentment going on there, when I’ve already asked forgiveness from Jesus, and there’s just no need to bring it up again.
-I did not really like the associate pastor. I think it was because of his views on life that were very black & white.
-most of the members & including the pastor’s wife were concerned about me, bc i’ve mentioned that I’ve been having dreams, visions, prophetics, supernatural, encounterances with the Lord. Sending me condescending prayers & looking at me as if I came back from the psychiatric ward.
-Being rebuked several times and also being rebuked in public during a sermon message!

I’ve attended this church for over 7yrs. I found my calling most recently, dug deep into seeking Abba in my own spare time, and during this time, I was attending two churches back and forth. The new church & the old church. During the development and growth in my own walk, through the spiritual teachings of YWAM, Bethel, & mostly IHOP-KC, I left a strange impression on CrossOver Church. Just the look on their eyes, they all thought I was crazy. During worship, I am the only one singing with all my heart and dancing…the holy spirit is with me strongly. They all stare at me and think I’m crazy, or are they just insecure?

Where Do I stand now in my beliefs?:
-If you feel the spirit, there is no reason to hold it in. Let it out. Bc the spirit is calling you out.
-I don’t believe in institutionalism system.
I believe in Organic Christianity like the Moravian Culture, or House of Prayer Movement, or Christian Renewalists.
-I don’t believe that ministry should lean on one absolute of the bible. But ALL 5 mediums in balance: spirit, pray, word, fellowship, soak/meditation.
-I DO BELIEVE in the supernatural, the prophetics, healing, prophets, dreams, & visions. Just because the bible is finished, doesn’t mean that there are no more prophets. Sure there is a vast difference though between a Prophet vs a prophet. Prophets with a capital P, are prophets that heard the audible command directive from God, which paved the way and bible establishment. prophets with lowercase p, are people who were given the gift to prophesy. There is a scripture to back it up. I need to find it.
Why? Because God is a God of Hope, Healing, Justice, and Love.
-I am a fire radical Christian, always hungry for more. Never lukewarm. I seek for more. Insatiable drive. Because I’m a justice person. I hate seeing suffering, pain, I will not just stand back and let people suffer. There’s something deep down in my heart to fight for them.

But on the real. This is how I feel. Just because I am apart of a new church, doesnt mean I’m going to stay forever. Only God knows when I will stay here and I may very well leave the next day just like that. What’s funny is that if i do happen to leave, the church automatically objectifies me as a “traitor”. & all of a sudden, the close bond and love we shared is gone and they treat me as a stranger. So then whatever happened to all those time we shared in the past….was it only real if i only stayed as a member of the church establishment? or is it the insecurity of different views in ministry? i always thought, once a friend, always a friend. Just as Jesus has never left you. He was always a friend. Even if i had diff views/interests.

Just dont acknowledge me as someone you can love only if my presence is recognized as a consistent member. Acknowledge me as a friend. I am and have always been a nomadic free-spirited wanderer. I was not born to stay at one place for too long, I was born to travel.


A pastor told me to not attend this specific bible college because he warned me it was too conservative for me. But I deeply meditated upon what he said, and reflected. Actually I know he meant well, but I think he is confused with the terms.

I think the ministers do not understand and feel subjected to guidelines in order to make evaluations in ministry.

It has nothing to do with being conservative.

It’s the fact that it’s this “label” bc people do not recognize the organic spirit of anti-institutionalism.

You have to look at it like this the history of pagan Christianity is what sparked this “conservatism” into ministry, that’s why there are Baptist ministers who are not used to all this dancing, praising, ASL, flags, painting as worship mediums. When ACTUALLY, these things have been around since the beginning of the first worship movement when KING DAVID’s TABERNACLE, who hired thousands of worship teams to come and worship 40days and 40nights. And the organic spirit of anti-institutionalism has been around since 70A.D. ever since Apostle Paul & Simon Peter started the first church.

The only reason why these “conservative ministers” like Presbyterians, Methodists, catholics, Lutherans, Baptists, Anglicans, Pentecosts do not recognize the organic spirit, is because they have been taught & influenced by the suppression of the institutionalized ministry….which was inspired by the pagan Christianity history started in the early 1400’s I or so believe I think maybe not specific date, but around there in Catholic/ protestant.

Why are ministries still practiced and promoted in this “conservative” way? It’s def not promoting the spirit. 



Why does it seem so black & white in my perspective in this world?

For example.

You go choose to live the life in the world, which means you have to do things that you don’t necessarily like doing but you are obligated to do it in order to set a good impression for others & to maintain a status for a job, rank, title.  Appearance seems to be everything. Image. And if you choose this route, you also have to give up your dreams and resort to do something that is of a worldly occupation in order to make ends meet so that you are able to sustain a life. Such as doing a job like salesman, waiter, mechanical engineer, math, government, etc.


You can choose to not live in the world, and chase after Him and try to live a life for Him.
But none of the worldly education, resumes, degrees, skills even matter. Like a bachelors, masters, phd, 20yrs corporate office experience, skills, etc. None of that matters. And you know what? You actually feel at home! You don’t need to change your appearance, you can just be comfortable in how you wanna be. You don’t need to try so hard or think so hard to be this someone or to seek a position in the workforce, bc He already provided it for you. All you just gotta do is go with the flow and let go and trust in Him.

I am in the middle of the two. I’ve experienced the both of two worlds. I prefer the God route over the worldly route. But like right now, My age is facing a brick wall. I’m noticing I’m not a young boy anymore. I’m a full grown man, as the mirror shows me.  And I’ve gotta do something so that I can put a roof over my head. But deep inside my heart, I really don’t know what I should do. I know that God has called me to lead His people, to be a leader, a shepherd. But what should I be doing specific occupation in order to sustain a life and income? I’m kind of confused right now. See I’m in a public university studying a major that is leaning towards a worldly route to sustain a living. But I know deep down in my heart it’s not what I wanna do, I only do it out of a comfortable preference of enjoyment. I’m thinking a lot about my future, and I am wondering what is it that I wanna do with my life after graduation? Do I really wanna sit in a cubicle working a 9-5 shift everyday to sustain a living in this world? BC I definitely do not see myself in servantude to a coporate boss. I’ve been an independent freelancing nomadic wandering entrepreneur all my life. But I don’t even wanna get into business at all nor do I have a care in the world for any worldly professional occupation like medicine, law, criminal justice, electrician, computer, science, government, etc. I see myself travelling all over the world, I see myself being a missionary and reaching to masses. I see myself publishing books and speaking at seminars and teaching. I see myself  In my prophetic dreams and visions, I see myself teaching seminars and speaking in front of hundreds, 3 people have prophesied to me that I will be a pastor. But I don’t know about the whole bible college curriculum direction and program….bc the way the education is being taught in a scientific approach (micro-details, history, references, context, vocabulary, theology, concepts). Whereas, I’ve been teaching myself on my own through the holy spirit from reading articles, studying and reading the bible, videos, watching sermons from misty Edwards, mike bickle, shelly hundley, kim walker-smith, steffany frizzle, Jeremy riddle, sara kim, allan hood, ihop-kc, bethel church, Jason Hershey, ywam, and attending seminars.

And here I realized there are 2 ways to go about seeking God in the Christian education:

1.) You can go learn it in a scientific approach like at a bible college or a local institutionalized church …. OR ….. 2.) You go learn it in a spiritual approach like at a private school like ihop-kc or ywam, or be a part of a small group that promotes organic Christianity like the Moravian culture or promotes the holy spirit.

And since I’ve experienced both of these two areas….This is what I learned:
#1 area is just too much existing in the mind, that it can deaden the soul from the mass consumption of man-knowledge.
#2 area exists in the heart, the knowledge or institutionalized education doesn’t matter, the heart is the only medium that the holy spirit can speak to. So you can deaden the heart if you exist in the mind too much, and if you deaden the heart, you cannot receive the holy spirit to awake your soul.

See, He’s called me to lead & train his people in love. Teach seminars and speak about Spiritual Education of Christian Education.
I think bc the world doesn’t recognize the spiritual side of Christian Education, but concentrates more on the theological approach of Christian Education.
He’s specifically called me to teach what I learned through Him in my walk in writing platforms like books, articles, powerpoint presentations, videos.
He’s also called me to use my artistic abilities (music, dance, design, film, act) to create engagement & evangelise and use music as an intercession tool to get deep into Him through worship.

I plan on doing this, but first I wanna get better in music (ukulele & singing) and write up some worship music and start a small worship team, go ahead and buy a video camera Canon Rebel T2i, so I can start sending out videos to teach. & I’d like to take some classes at NVCC to learn how to do video production in video effects & animation / better power point presentations.

So my mind is telling me to stick it out with school and finish to get a bachelors and masters. And then go do whatever you want with your life.

But in my heart, I know God is calling me NOW

There are so many options God is revealing to me right now.
it is all so very confusing to me.

If I choose to stick it out with college, I know I’ll be one of the few older gents at a mass majority young populated campus. Where God revealed to me that this would be the perfect opportunity to mentor the young college kids and teach them what I went through in this Christian life and spark a revival on campus.

OR I could graduate college, and start to work as an English teacher in Seoul Korea, and help teach Christian Education there too and start a revival there too.

OR I could graduate and go to IHOP-KC the place I’ve dreamt of going.
and enroll at the Forerunner Music Academy and maybe YWAM Biblical Studies.

And the thing right now that is puzzling me, is what should I major in school?
Should I keep sticking to my major that promotes worldly life: Bachelors of Kinesiology.
OR should I attend a bible college and major in biblical studies, because right now, that’s all I’ve been thinking about: GOD.
OR should I major in Web Design, Digital Media, & Graphic Design, bc God revealed to me another picture, that if I were to learn how to do those skills, I can create a sustainable income and help people market their businesses.

So you can see why I am so confused.

I Have until October to decide.

love takes time






i get it now. eureka!

Love takes time!

There are 4 stages of progression into love.
1st stage: #attraction. to have physical or personal attraction.
2nd stage: #interest. to take participating voluntarily initiative action or interest after the attraction stage sinks in to settle in and resonate.
3rd stage: #like. to enjoy being with the person almost all the time, likes their company, attitude, personality, mind, everything about them. 
4th stage: #love. to trust the person.

But in order to really know how to fall in love or get to the final stage.
Love cannot be forced. the entire meet up must be FLOW. let go, let everything happen, let it FLOW. dont try so hard, dont think so hard, just be, be free, and be you. 

When love is forced or manipulated or controlled through too much logical thinking.
Then it was never love to begin with. It’s now an adulteration. 

Taking the pure innocence, and adulterating the substance for their own abuse. 
i think thats how pornography or sex became the “norm” for the world, that it’s a worldly mentality. 

but thats the difference:
there is having SEX vs MAKING LOVE.
(doing the mechanical objective like a robot zombie OR connecting the heart in the establishment of God’s love)
Have you ever seen two hearts meshing together? 
it looks like this:



Now think of it like this:
Two Hearts. those two hearts represent a husband and a wife.
they are coming together. and the Jesus Fish in the center comes out of the hearts.
That Jesus Fish represents Jesus’ Love between them, that is real love. 
God’s love.

we as not only as believers have a duty to fulfill in this world. to teach people that sex/lust/&porno isnt real love.
i think thats what’s creating all this evil stuff thats plagued the third world countries like human sex trafficking or pedophilia. brainwashed by the devil. 

it really helped me understand the innocence in love when God showed me a picture of two children. a small boy & a little girl. who fell in love at first sight. you gotta think of love as something so pure. that’s what it is. 

what’s not pure is the thought of these two children NSFW in adulterated disgusting thoughts like what if they had sex or orgies and etc. CMON man! you serious???!?!!? 
the hell has this world come to?!?!

and here we have to think with our HEARTS!!!! and not our genitals. 
because it makes me so angry deep down when I see the injustice suffering all bc they just wanted to know what it means to be loved.

anyways. i had to post the video above. bc it def explains and shows the stages of love. 

love takes time to build upon.

that’s why for example. Women can be so attracted to a good looking man instantly, and they will find interest and may even like him, but if there was not enough of a long relationship to build upon with her, then she does not love you yet. bc to fully love someone in a romantic relationship…there needs to be TRUST involved.

see in her mind she is NOT going to expose her body for your pleasure. bc there is no trust involved you know? 

and you cant train your brain to do this, if you just want to sex her up so bad. bc that’s just not cool. and you will FAIL.

if you really want to train yourself how to get to final stage. 
You must create a desert for yourself and live in it: consecration to Jesus. not bc it’s a religion, but bc you wholeheartedly desperately wanna know what it means to love. 
to not only love a female counterpart. but knowing how to have compassion for the sick, the elderly, the brothers, the sisters, the children, the suffering, the people in pain, the rejected, the disabled, the poor, the ones who hate you. 
then only then will you know how to love, and it’s definitely going to hit you in the heart like a HOLLOWPOINT, and you will definitely change into a diff person. 



How did i figure this out?

Its my testimony to this “Dating world”.
So many times I’ve dated, so many years. 
It just got to the point where I truly got disgusted by it. 
i felt like i wasnt being my true self, cuz it ALWAYS felt forced.
i also did not like chasing after women, i just wanted to let it flow and let her come to me. 
There was also a time in my life, where I reached a point, after knowing the “game” on how to hook up with women, it really boosted my cockiness to the tenth degree. i became so arrogant and objectified women at a certain point. 
and it got to the point (after a couple of years of being a player), where I started to ask myself DO I WANNA STAY SINGLE for the rest of my life? DO I WANNA BE A SCUMBAG FOREVER? 
I looked in the mirror. YUCK! what have i become? it was all lies believed and whispered from the devil. ughhhhhh i started balling and made a complete vow to never do this again. i kept it up for 7yrs. For 7 yrs i did not date a single female. 

I kept them all just as a friend only strictly. But it kind of sucked for several women….I could see them feeling a little hurt bc I chose not to be with them more than a friend. 
which also made me realize even more most of the reason why they chose to stick around socializing and hanging out as friends was bc she really liked me. but i kept telling myself that i cannot be involved in any relationship, bc of the vow i promised to God. bc ultimately i did not want to ever become that arrogant player objectifying women in lustful ways ever AGAIN!

you dont know how many times sooo many women threw themselves at me as years went by. Of course, im a man, of course i’ll have lust images. But i had to really quickly run away from them and hide under a rock and commit my life to God instead. 

it seemed like everywhere I went, either to mcdonalds, or on the train, or DMV, or the mall, or the gas station….there was ALWAYS a girl throwing themselves at me. 
it got so ridiculous, that i just had enough of it. I created a desert for my eyes and my mind. To not have a care in the world for a girl period, all on the agenda to AVOID women period, so that i will know how to love. an OXYMORON, isnt it?! hahaha
i avoided women and ignored women at all costs, just so i can learn how to be closer to Jesus, and ultimately also did not want to be that player as i once was before.
So i became single for 7yrs strong.

But dam. I received a new revelation now.
God revealed to me, that in order for a man to know how to experience God’s love in  the most intimate as Jesus’ love… needs woman.
That’s what dawned upon me as I read Genesis: Adam and Eve.
Oooohhhh EUREKA! my dear watson!

and God has been trying to hook me up with a girl. It’s just i fooled my own self using my own motivation, believing in my own lie. that it’s more than okay to still be involved in a relationship. God wants me to have a girlfriend. God never wanted me to be alone. 

Bc to fully understand my true potential as a man, i need woman. 

and so i thought okay God, now i know that you’ve been trying this whole time to hook me up with a girl…i get it now. But she just cant be any girl. she has to be a NINJA!!!! you know what im saying God? She’s gotta be ON POINT, that GAMEFACE, PROFESSIONALISM, a REAL SOLDIER in CHRIST. She’s gotta be a Godly woman. an Ezra, an Esther, a Mary Magdalene, a Ruth, a Joan of Arc. So i cant just get with any girl. so i thought if i could just do this on my own. i felt that i needed much to work on in order to be a good husband or boyfriend. 

But then God told me:
leave that up to the relationship. all the problems, issues are to be Learnt in the relationship process between a man and a woman. That’s how a relationship will build. So it’s just more of a waste of time, if you try hard to fix it on your own by yourself alone. When you could be fixing it with someone who is more than willing to help you. 

a woman is my help meet, a helper. why am i thinking that i could be doing this on my own? and even knowing she wants to help but i just dont receive it.

God also said, you need to not worry about trying to find the perfect girl for you. Trust me, and just stop thinking soo much and trying too hard. I’m gonna hook u up my  son. You have nothing to worry about anymore. Trust me, she IS the perfect girl you’ve been wanting all along.

“Oh” i say. 
*feels overwhelmingly loved.


So now after the testament. now knowing i have nothing to worry about. What do i do next? what is the next step? for 10yrs been trying to know how to love and the relationship aspect and details on how to be a good boyfriend and basically just full on TRAINING. 
but God took all what ive been  working on and solved it. 
So i asked Him, then what do you want me to do now???

He says “GO! TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO LOVE! you’ve come this far, you’ve spent well over a decade trying to know how to love. You are called to LEAD people into love. a LEADER is not a rank, it’s a person who cares about people genuinely. You are my son.”



anywho back on topic, from the very first part.
i really learned how to love people bc I retrained my eyes to see them as siblings. 
Like for a girl, i had to look at her as my own blood sister, bc I have a real biological sister back at home, and what kind of brother would i be if i looked at women in a lustful agenda. So that’s how i learned how to do it, but definitely you cannot do it on your own, you must seek GOD. and ask Him for strength!

and now that i know that love takes PATIENCE. 
it cannot be forced. 

this is the end.







live in the heart

live in the heart. dont live too much in the mind.

that’s what im being more aware of about myself.

bc when you exist too much in the mind,  you forget the heart. and when you forget the heart, you forget how to care, and how to love, and how to show compassion.

when you exist too much in the mind, you become intelligently arrogant and condescending….AND you lose communion with God.

i feel to go 80% heart, 20% mind.
The Holy Spirit reaches the heart.
And God’s Mind & Jesus’ Eyes are like the human heart.
The heart is Hope, Healing, Love, Joy, Kindness, Gentleness, and Justice.

One thing I learned…

Dont write or study too much. Write or study as much as you can but not so frequent.
Use more of that time in the measure of Heart & putting God first.
remember God first = heart:: love.
your brain next = mind::knowledge.


yea… anyways… i feel like posting this song…something is tellin me that it fits my heart


i have this in my DNA.

get it mostly from my dad & grandpa.

My dad was the first entrepreneur.

however I did create so many grassroots business plans and projects in the past.

and I had so many great business ideas. And if i went with it. i wouldve been making serious.

but i started to think ….we kind of live in the matrix .

i think i have more passion in just missions.