it’s been a while since i posted or wrote about anything right?
havent been getting any new thoughts lately. just alot of revelations God’s been revealing to me lately.
And the main idea of what He has been revealing to me is LOVE.
I reached full circle now. I am back to know the mind of a child.
For 16yrs, I really didn’t know how to react to kindness, gentleness, and love to one another.
I thought being nice, or friendly is considered WEAK. And my early childhood all the way through teenage and young adult, my mind was warped by the worldly mentality and deviated into tough love.
And most recently, I decided to fully seek God,because I started being aware of my own behavior. Bc my mentality has been so affected by the worldly mentality and tough love, that it’s brainwashed my attitude, actions, and filled my heart with pride rather than compassion.
My intelligence became puffed up with knowledge. It replaced my heart with another brain. Left me to feel insensitive towards those suffering. And found dry humor to make me giggle.
Long story short. I became an insensitive jackass a-hole and condescending selfish zombie.
So wow. after just about trying to get DEEP into the LORD JESUS CHRIST, wow…for over 2 months of consecration fully guided in His love….i started to become mentally and emotionally healed.
Like I’ve never felt this love before in my entire life.
Like, it’s so strong…like for example, if I see someone who is going through something sad, and I don’t even know this stranger. God reveals this VIVID VISUAL picture before my eyes like a prophetic vision, where I can see what they’re going through in visual emotions….and it impacts my heart like a piercing bullet, that I just choke up and start shredding tears.
And there’s just some kind of love inside me that just wants to reach out to them.
It’s very very strong. I can sense it from even at a 10yd distance.
It’s like professor Xavier wearing the cerebro helmet, I can see people going through much sadness and pain. It’s overwhelming. I get very emotional. But at the same time I get self conscious which makes me hold back my tears. I try hard to hold it in. it’s like every hour it’s a funeral.
But don’t worry, bc this is a good thing, bc now I have the eyes of Jesus. I can see random strangers all across the world, going through pain, suffering, rejection, brokenness…and all they want is somebody to say that it’s going to be alright, and to hug, or just a friend to just take a few minutes out of their day and listen to them or be there for them.
I can approach anyone. It’s always been easy for me.
But the thing I’ve been dwelling on has been making me hesitant with stuff like “What can a guy like me do?” or “I’m just 1 person”
And then a little while later, I’d say 3 weeks later, I randomly meet this older gentlemen in a coffee shop.
We had a random conversation about how it’s our duty to help people as much as we can while we are still on this world. He mentioned his best friend who recently passed away due to Leukemia, her name was Renee. He said he never met anyone like her. He said, she was the type of person, that if she drove by and saw someone who needed help, whether it be a flat tire, or car broken down, or needed money, or crying, or needed a ride. She would stop with whatever she was doing and help them no matter the circumstance. She even helped the man I was talking to financially. He told me after she passed away, at her funeral, there were people all across the world from india, Indonesia, Russia, Africa, and many more to say their last goodbyes. ß-I guess those were her friends and the people who she helped.
At the end of the conversation, He went on to end with this note…”Don’t listen to your mind, it’s just a lie. Listen to your heart, bc it never lies. And at the end of the day, we need to help people.”
After a few weeks letting that sink in….that’s when I started to realize….my hesitation was fueled by the whispering lies of the devil. Telling me that I’m not good enough to help or I have no place in that kind of position.
Which made me also realize that….wow… it was never about having a “resume” or “references” or “credentials” or “education” or “status” or “position” or “rank” or “professional entitlement” or “experience”. Dude you don’t need a resume to know how to help people. You don’t need “experience” to do it. You just do it! Because you CARE.
And I think that’s what made me shy away from people who needed help…cuz I kept looking at my hands…and ask “what the hell can I do with these hands?”…..
when that actually was the wrong idea now that I think about it….it’s not the hands! It’s the HEART.
instead of looking to my hands, I should have been looking at my heart.
So then I had ANOTHER PROPHETIC DREAM, the 13th one added to the military theme:
And this time, I was in the military, bootcamp training. But I was one of the rarest soldiers, there were only several of us who wore these “special” military suits that distinguished us from the rest of the soldiers, a brighter color, like an orange. But the ones who wore these “special suits” we’re the leaders. And I was leading a pack of 20-30something soldiers training them, and helping them. I remember I held my hand out, reaching out to just help each soldier individually get across obstacle courses.
Later this week, I was trying to figure out what that dream meant. I interpreted it. It means that I am called to be a big brother. To help all my younger brothers and sisters in the act of love. (Bc they are just as much of family in this world, they are my family in heaven, they are my heaven siblings). This is referred to as training soldiers in Christ to prep them for battle.
Not train them physically, emotionally, mentally. But to train them in LOVE. If it’s just training in the absence of love, then it will not be successful in the Light of Jesus, the truth. Bc the truth is love.
And that’s what made me realize a lot with my Zelos Ministry thing that I wanted to launch in the future.
I was using my life as the lab rat for this experiment. I started off with Physical training as the first stage. Because I thought that in order to create a sense of motivation, I thought it was the physical exercise training to keep you focused…..But that focus can only last so much…for a short period of time….it doesn’t last forever.
So then I thought it was the stage of Mental focus instead to keep you on point. But again that logic motive can only last so much.
So then I thought that it was the spirit stage….To really have a clear mind and correct navigation is being led by the spirit……But yet again….being extremely about leaning towards the spirit as the first navigational stage is only going to keep you a strong spirit BUT will have a dramatic fall and damage, as the wind blows down a jenga skyscraper to groundzero.
Which got me real near and warmer to finally realizing the first stage must be on God.
That in ANY program, the first stage must be started in the basis and foundation of Love.
a program without the first stage of love will FAIL. That’s the truth. and I started to realize that by being the lab rat and also seeing how “life” needs love as the genesis in order for life to continue to live.
So coming back to the topic of training soldiers.
You cant train a soldier like a Drill Instructor yelling at them or treating them in tough love. Bc that’s not how human beings were programmed to receive. We are designed to receive positivity.
So it’s okay to show love to one another. It’s not considered WEAK. That’s just a lie from the devil.
Think of it like this. Even if we are appeared as adults on the outside. We are still children in the inside. We are His children. And in the inside, we want to be treated just like how He would treat us in His love.
Now that you know we are like kids,….think about this….If you had a kid. Would you raise him/her up in the act of tough love? Or in the way Jesus would expose His love for you like a real mommy and daddy would do…giving you wet big sloppy kisses and billions of bear squeezy tight cuddly hugs!?
My point exactly! You would NOT treat a kid in the act of tough love. But be KIND and GENTLE to them in the act of real LOVE.
Why? BC it’s not mentally, emotionally, and spiritually HEALTHY. Ask yourself, Does our father, papa daddy want that for us? HELL NO. I think Nots!
This TOUGH LOVE concept, I believe is a lie from the devil, it’s a Worldly Mentality.
In fact, my biological dad is stuck on this theme of tough love so much that I’m not sure How I could help him. We had a long talk about this, bc after He started to get annoyed by me saying I Love Him every day. He says that, “saying you love someone doesn’t mean diddly squat, it’s just words….it really shows in the action. And there’s no need to show kindness, you gotta be tough and hard like a man. Guys don’t show their gentleness, cmon don’t be such a sissy, that’s pathetic!”
I actually didn’t respond for 30 min, and took it all in, to meditate….and I replied with this. “Dad, we have voices, and mouths for a reason. It’s more than okay to say I love you. That’s not called weakness. I’m doing it because I want to!”
He went on to explain to me that’s just how the Korean culture is that he was raised in.
and then I was like “ohhhh….the dreaded Korean culture….ohh how much I dislike it so very much, part of the entire reason I just prefer NOT to attend anything Korean events. There’s just something definitely wrong with the Korean mentality.” Yea and my ethnicity is Korean, but I was born and raised in America…so I have an American mentality. I really don’t like Korean churches, Korean workplaces, and Korean organizations, and Korean events, and all this One-mind one-click crap. So close-minded, so sheltered, so black & white, you know? I just don’t think God would want us to live with ONE ethnicity for the rest of our lives on this earth.
Anyways…Going off topic here.
uhhhh where was I?
I wouldn’t trade this for a million dollars!
This Love is the greatest treasure, and now I see how its possible to heal people.
Never knew how much God loves me. For a while I felt like I didn’t deserve it. It’s too much, but now im just grateful.
Jesus Loves You.